Pressing In

I recently ordered this really neat Bible. The pages on the left side have the Scriptures and the pages on the right are blank so you can take notes.

I bought this particular Bible so that I could read it, write out prayers for Brienne, and one day in the distant future present it to her as a gift. I got the idea from Mark Batterson in his book Praying Circles Around Your Children. This is a big undertaking, but I’m hoping to do this for all of my kids so that one day they will be able to read what I’ve prayed for them throughout the years and hopefully see some of those prayers come to fruition.

(I’m thinking I’ll be skipping over some parts of the Bible, though. I mean, have you ever read Leviticus? Or Chronicles? “Asriel was his descendant through his Aramean concubine… Makir took his wife from among the Huppites and Shuppites…” What??)

And lest you think I’m super-spiritual or some awesome mom for praying through the Bible for my kids, let me reassure you that I’m not. This has actually been a really difficult week. In fact, I even sent Peter this text on Monday:

I am in hell.

I know. It sounds a little dramatic, doesn’t it? But when you’re in the moment, it can feel overwhelming. Here is why I sent that text.

First of all, Vivienne had decided that sleep was overrated. The previous night, she woke up six times  to eat. SIX TIMES. So Monday morning did not start off very well. Then, Jonah accidentally stepped on Vivienne, but instead of obeying me by apologizing and giving her a hug, he kicked her. Yep that’s right. He kicked her. Lovely. So he went back and forth to timeout several times (while both of them were simultaneously screaming at the top of their lungs) until he finally realized I meant business and he gave Vivi a hug. Can you say stubborn? (And my mom wants me to start potty training him. Yeah right.)

After reading Chicka Chicka Boom Boom fourteen times (and Goodnight Moon eight times) I put Jonah down for a nap. But he decided that a nap wasn’t on his agenda for the day. So instead, I came up with the wonderful plan to take him for a haircut.

Yes, that’s a brilliant decision. Let’s take a headstrong two-year old who hasn’t had a nap to get a haircut! Of course! He pitched a fit as soon as the gal put the cape on him, and there was no consoling him. None. So I had to literally drag him out of the salon. Without a haircut. Super. 

I couldn’t wait to get home so the kids could play outside and I could have a little quiet time on the swing with Vivienne. But dear, sweet Vivienne is no longer content to just sit with mommy. She’s antsy and nosy and wiggly. So I gave her a cup of juice, thinking it would entertain her for a bit. And entertain her it did. Except that she can’t figure out how to actually drink out of a cup. (Or a bottle, for that matter.) So she and I both ended up being covered in apple juice.

After changing both of us into clean clothes, I decided I should probably cook supper. Jonah, however, had other plans. He wanted me to “play cars” so he kept pushing me and whining while I was chopping veggies. He eventually pushed so hard that he fell and landed on his face. (Have I mentioned that he is headstrong?) And frankly, by that point, I was fresh out of sympathy. For everybody.

Needless to say, I will not be getting the Mommy of the Year Award this week. Part of this is my fault. I keep forgetting that my worth is not found in my mothering ability – it’s found in the Lord. He tells us in Ephesians 2:10 that we are His masterpiece and that He has made us a new creature in Christ so that “we can do the good things He planned for us long ago.”

In His infinite wisdom, He actually planned for me to be a mom to three children. He already knew the challenges I would face. But He also knew the immense joys I would experience in this adventure called motherhood. It is often very hard for me to turn to Christ when I feel at my wits’ end. Instead, I want to turn to my own strength (which is obviously working out really well). I have to remember (we all have to remember), that God equips those that He calls. All we have to do is call upon His name and we will be able to do anything through His strength. Praise Jesus! Because my strength is gone.

These three little people are the reason I must press in to Jesus. Every moment of every day. But especially when things seem out of my control.


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