Today I’m feeling defeated. Defeated by the endless laundry. Defeated by the numbers on the scale. Defeated by the little people who live in my house. Defeated by the thought of cooking another meal. I’m worn out.
Usually, mornings are rejuvenating to me, signaling the beginning of a fresh new day. A time to forget the failures and disappointments of yesterday and to look forward to a new day with a positive attitude and a clean slate. But sometimes my kiddos don’t view mornings like I do.
This has been the day of a thousand meltdowns, courtesy of the two-year old. And I’m only slightly exaggerating when I say “a thousand.” There were meltdowns over wearing shoes, over going to the grocery store, over taking a bath, over brushing teeth, over cooking supper. (Oh, wait. That meltdown was mine…)
Today started with a post-breakfast tantrum by Jonah. And I have no idea what set him off. Between that incident, trying to brush his teeth, and putting his shoes on, we had three (yes, three!) full blown meltdowns. And it was only 8:15 a.m. In the meantime, Brienne apparently decided that it was her duty to argue with me over why she “needed” to watch tv while eating breakfast. I don’t think so, missy. Thankfully, Vivienne decided to sit in silence and watch the chaos instead of adding to it. But I have a sneaking suspicion that she’s taking notes…
After breakfast, Jonah refused to get in the car and go to the gym. I ended up bribing him with, “After we go to the gym, we can go to Publix and drive the buggy car.” Now, what two year old wouldn’t be thrilled at that prospect? Thankfully, the bribery worked, he got in the car, and we headed to the gym.
After exercising, I got the bright idea that we should head to the library for a bit. Brie and I were both out of books to read and I can’t go for very long without a book in my hand. So off to the library we went. When we got there, I put Vivi in my sling and Jonah in the stroller (which is NOT his favorite mode of transportation). Brie and I browsed the library looking for something to read as Jonah, of course, was getting restless and irritable. Finally, against my better judgment, I let him out of the stroller to play with some puzzles on the table. He had such a good time singing songs and putting puzzles together that he didn’t want to leave, but somehow I finally convinced him to get in the van, thinking once we got to Publix, we’d be golden.
But guess what? Jonah decided that he didn’t want to go to Publix and drive the “buggy car” today. What is this? Rebellion against the buggy car?? Is it no longer enough?? Heaven help us. Unfortunately, I had to resort to the free cookie bribe, which I swore I’d never do. And I’m sure, now that he knows Publix has cookies, I’ll never be able to shop there again without getting him one. I believe it was my mother who said to me, “Don’t let that little boy rule over you.” Too late, Nanna. Too late…
On top of the tantrums that seemed to occur nonstop today, we also added some tween emotional breakdowns thanks to Brienne and a few shouts of what sounded like baby cursing directed at me from Vivi. Not to mention a horrible diaper blowout courtesy of the little princess. (Thankfully Peter was home to clean that one up.) At least Puke Boy didn’t reemerge from earlier this week. I’m not sure my sanity could survive simultaneous projectile vomit from one kid and projectile poop from the other. The Lord definitely knows just how much we can take before we totally go nuts on everyone.
By supper time, I felt like I was at the end of my rope, barely hanging on. And that’s when I heard God whisper in my ear. “All I’m asking is that you hang on. Each moment, each day, just hang on. In your desperation, cling to Me.”
Hebrews 10:36 says, “Patient endurance is what you need now, so that you will continue to do God’s will. Then you will receive all that He has promised.” And Romans 5:4 says, “Endurance develops strength of character.”
To be honest, sometimes I don’t want to “endure” or build my character. Sometimes I just want to run away. I’m pretty sure I said, “Mama needs a vacation,” a couple times today. (Or a hundred.) But God’s Word promises that if we hang on, He will give us what we need.
Do you need patience? Hang on and endure this season.
Do you need rest? Hang on and find rest in Him.
Do you need wisdom? Hang on and ask the One who can give it.
Do you need energy? Hang on and fill up with His Word.
Do you need a break? Hang on. Nap time is coming. (smile)
When I’m feeling defeated, I will cling to the truth that Christ wants to give me all that He has promised so that I can do His will. When I’m feeling defeated, I will choose to hang on.