Control Freaks and Letting Go

This has been the craziest “beginning of school” ever.

Jonah started kindergarten this year.

As kindergarten loomed, we discussed keeping Jonah at the elementary school he had attended for Pre-k, even though it was out of our school zone. We put together a transfer request, complete with a packet of letters and information about why he should stay at the same school.

A month before school started, we learned that our transfer request had been denied. I called the school board office for an explanation, quickly realizing they would not change their mind on the ruling.

Peter and I were disappointed; however, we decided to view this as a chance for Jonah to learn resiliency when encountering change.

So when we received a letter from a kindergarten teacher at Jonah’s old school, we were shocked! I emailed the teacher, and we made plans to meet so I could give her a quick run-down on Jonah and his triggers.

I took her to lunch, and we had a wonderful two-hour conversation. As it happens, her grandson has Asperger’s, so she is familiar with Jonah’s difficulties. I came home energized, confident that Jonah was going to have a great year!

However, the afternoon of Open House, as Jonah and I walked into the classroom, the teacher grabbed by arm.

“He’s not on my list today!” she gasped.

My heart dropped.

I ran to the office, asking them to check their records. Sure enough, he had been sent back to the school we were zoned for.

I was freaking. out.

I called Peter, picked him up, and we rushed across town to the new school.

Peter and I were justifiably upset because we had already done so much to prepare Jonah for his kindergarten year. Now we were all three going in blindly to a new school with a new teacher and a staff that didn’t understand Jonah’s needs.

We tried to exude excitement because we certainly didn’t want Jonah to sense anything was wrong  and then have a meltdown of some kind.

As we frantically ran into the school, looking for his new classroom, we wondered who his teacher would be.

How quickly we forget that God is in control.

I walked into the classroom and the first thing I noticed was the multitude of students coming back to hug this teacher. And every time a former student approached her, she stopped what she was doing, looked the child in the eye, and spoke meaningful phrases over them.

“I already told your teacher this year how wonderful you are! She is going to love you!”

“I’m going to miss you but you will have a great year in first grade!”

“I can’t believe you are a fifth grader! Who is your teacher? I’m going to tell her what a gem you are!”

I found myself in tears as I observed her interactions with former students, watching as they lit up with her words of encouragement.

As I waited to speak to her, a parent stopped me, asking if my child was in this class. When I responded affirmatively, she said:

“You are going to absolutely love Mrs. _____. She will become your favorite teacher. You and your child are very blessed to be in her class.”

Oh. My. Goodness.

This was exactly what I needed to hear to calm my fearful heart.

I could’ve cried buckets of tears. In fact, I found myself choking up, trying not to lose total control.

God knew exactly what I needed to see and hear that afternoon to encourage me and remind me that He is in control and His plans are better than mine could ever be.

The Lord tells us in Isaiah 55:8 that His thoughts are not our thoughts and His ways are not our ways.

He keeps reminding me of this truth because I tend to forget it. I want to be in control, but He keeps telling me, “Adrienne, let go. Open your hands. Give it to me. I can handle it. I know what I’m doing.”

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After everything we’ve been through with infertility and adoption failures and an autism diagnosis, I should’ve already learned this lesson. But of course I haven’t.

This situation was a good reminder for me that God has a bigger and better plan for my family than I could ever imagine.

And He has a bigger and better plan for you and your family too.

Are you a control freak? What are some things you need to let go of today?

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