Most of you know that our son was diagnosed with autism when he was 3 years old. He is now 8, and although he has made amazing progress, there are times when we still struggle with behaviors and issues that most families with typically developing children do not struggle with. I recently took him to his pediatrician to talk about ADHD with her and frankly, she was quite amazed at the progress he has made in the past 5 years. She credited the many therapies he received, and we are big believers in early intervention. But we also know that God has had His hand on Jonah from the beginning.
As we talked though some of Jonah’s symptoms, I was very surprised to discover that many of his behaviors are symptoms of ADHD. I have known in my heart for years that he probably had ADHD in addition to autism, but seeing it on paper confirmed it for me.
For those of you who can’t understand what our life is like, let me give you a small glimpse. This is autism:
- Struggling to control impulsive behavior – social immaturity – which looks like constant talking, touching others, walking around when he is supposed to be sitting, constantly making noises.
- Transitioning from a preferred activity to a non-preferred activity is still very difficult and he needs to be given a countdown or schedule so he knows when and what changes are coming.
- Any change in routine may cause difficulty for hours or even days. Take, for instance, what happened a few weeks ago: One Saturday, we attended Vivienne’s first piano recital at a local church downtown. It lasted over an hour but Jonah was able to sit quietly and read some books for the majority of the program. However, the very next day, he decided that he didn’t need to go to church because he was at a church the day before for the recital. In his brain, he had “done church” already for the week and didn’t need to go again. He argued and cried FOR HOURS about it (but obviously we still made him go to church).
- Obsessing over anything – video games (he is very limited in playing video games for this very reason), books, etc…
- Excessive arguing if he doesn’t get his way. And when I say “excessive arguing,” I mean it. And there is almost no way to make him stop – we just have to let him get it out of his system.
But this is also autism:
- Seeing things from a different perspective – I love the way he looks at the world.
- Persistence in building things or beating video games – this child is truly amazing.
- A brain unlike the average child – he was recently admitted into the gifted program at his school due to his creativity and high IQ.
- Creatively coming up with new ideas and games. He creates new games almost daily.
- Can easily entertain himself
- Desire to understand how things work – he can take things apart and put them back together easily. One day before we moved, Peter was in our playroom packing toys. Jonah had a large racetrack so Peter took several pictures of it so he could remember how to put it back together once we moved. He then took it apart and left it in the playroom as he went to find a box big enough to fit it. He walked into the playroom later and Jonah had already put the race track back together! I guess Peter didn’t need those pictures after all. Ha!
- Remembers factual information that he has read; he is like a little walking encyclopedia and constantly teaches me new things.
Having a child with autism can be a challenge. And people don’t realize that his behaviors and tendencies are not necessarily due to disobedience but are mostly due to his diagnosis. I sometimes feel judged by others who seem to look at me with irritation. “Why won’t she discipline him? All he needs is a good spanking.” I feel that from people a lot. At school. At church. What they don’t know is that Jonah is disciplined constantly but you can’t discipline the Autism or ADHD out of a child. It’s just not possible.
Jonah can be a challenge, but let’s face it – so can ALL children. My teen constantly rolls her eyes at me and my seven year old thinks she should be in charge of EVERYTHING. And I can only imagine the challenges we will face when we bring our daughter home from India. Dealing with her trauma and behaviors stemming from that will definitely be challenging.
But Jesus.
Jesus gives us wisdom as we raise our children.
Jesus gives us grace as we make mistakes.
Jesus grants us mercy when we are at our wits’ end. I’m so thankful for His love as I seek to be the mom I need to be.
And I want to encourage you, when you see other children, other families, who may be struggling, avoid the temptation to judge them. You never really know what they are dealing with behind the scenes.