Margin. It’s what’s lacking in my life. From the time Jillienne wakes at 4:50 each morning, I am pulled in a thousand different directions.
My Bible lies, untouched, neglected, waiting for me to once again open it. I need to drink from that well of wisdom, but my normal time of prayer and sitting still before the Lord has been interrupted these last few weeks of early morning wake-ups.
Even during Jillienne’s nap time, I’m pulled toward other things. One child wants me to play with her, another wants to talk to me alone. Peter needs me to run an errand or walk the property with him for one reason or another.
Evenings are filled with baths and bedtime stories, and I finally sit down after laundry and dishes, exhausted from the day. And now, with school starting back, the small bits of free time through the day have disappeared only to be replaced with more to do. More to catch up on.
I may have no margin. I may not get to do the things that bring me life. I may get irritated over little things. Yet, oddly, I also find myself content.
Content with my family. Thankful for these little blessings who drive me crazy and keep me up at night and suck all the energy from my mind and body. Because I know they were given to me by a good God who knew exactly what I needed in my life: challenges and love and support and honesty. And He gave me a little something of each of those qualities with each child.
Content with who I am. And this is no small feat for those who know my tendencies toward people-pleasing. Toward avoidance of all decision-making. Yet I’m realizing more and more that God made me the way I am with my ability to see things through other’s eyes. With my compassion and tendency toward hope. And I want to embrace it.
So it may take me all day to read a passage of scripture, it may be mid-afternoon before I actually have time to pray, I may have to put that book project aside or skip my daily run. Yet it’s okay. Because God knows my heart and He is with me.
Even when there is no margin.
Adrienne, I LOVE where you went with this. There will be time enough for all the life-giving margin and structure some day. God knows what we need for each season, including this one. (I do hope the 4:50 wakeup calls ease up for you very soon, though!)
This is such an encouraging post. Days don’t always look like we hope, but God really does know our hearts. Thanks for sharing. Visiting today from the Purposeful Faith link up. Have a great week!