Recently I’ve been reading through the Old Testament and tracing the Israelites actions from Egypt to the Promised Land. Not only have I been studying on my own, but I’ve also been teaching these same concepts to my high school girls in LifeGroup each week.
For those of you who may be unfamiliar with Biblical history, God rescued the Israelite people from a life of slavery, promising to lead them to a new land, a fruitful land. Yet they constantly complained and grumbled against God and Moses, their unlikely leader, even though God provided them with everything they needed and set them apart for His purposes.
It’s easy to judge this group of people from afar as I read about them, wondering why on earth they would turn away from a God who is actually physically with them, leading them in a pillar of cloud by day and a pillar of fire by night. I mean, come on – He was right there in their midst!
But then I realize that I do the same thing. I complain in cycles, one day thankful for all God has done and the next, wondering if He’s even nearby. God has given me a beautiful home, a devoted husband, and four amazing kids yet I still find myself grumbling and complaining, just as the Israelites did all those years ago.
I especially see this in myself right now as we are quarantined in our homes. One day I’m feeling good and happy and life feels amazing. I’m grateful for the time to just “be” with my family. In fact, I wrote a whole blog post about it.
And then suddenly, sometimes the next day or even the next hour, I find myself feeling sad and unmotivated, becoming irritated over little things my kids are doing and exhibiting almost no energy.
I think this is probably a normal reaction to a new stress, and I know there is no “right way” to feel in this moment.
In this world-wide pandemic.
None of us has ever been though this type of thing before and we are all experiencing a vast range of emotions, from contentment to anger.
But I also understand that this fear and anger and anxiety and resentment run deeper than that. I know Satan is coming after my identity, especially in this time where many are out of work and are at home tending to our families with no time for ourselves.
Without identity. I’ve found myself feeling this way periodically, and I have to remind myself that it isn’t true.
Yes, I’m a wife, and I love my husband. Yes, I’m a mother, and I love my children dearly.
But all day I find myself comforting one child, fixing snacks for another, disciplining a third, and helping a fourth with homework. And it never ends. There never seems to be a break in my day where I can just be me, where I can do something I want to do. And often when I do get a break, I don’t even know what I want to do.
I recently heard on a podcast about a survey taken regarding people’s top fears during this global pandemic. Do you know what the top 2 fears were?
1) Losing your identity
2) Groundlessness (which means lacking value and substance)
Are you feeling this way, too? In this unusual time of quarantine? Maybe you’ve lost your job. Or you’ve lost your way. Maybe you’ve lost your sense of purpose. I don’t know your situation, but I know you’re not alone in the way you feel.
I was having this exact conversation with a friend a few days ago so I know I’m not alone in the way I feel. We discussed the importance of having quiet time each day so that every family member has time to decompress from the world around them and do something for themselves. It’s such a good idea and something I try to do as often as possible while our toddler is napping. Yet on those days when I can’t take a little time for myself, I can feel the stress rise to the top of my already overfilled cup.
I can feel Satan coming after who I am and making me doubt Who I belong to. Making me doubt my value. And as I think back to those Israelites, I realize maybe this is an age-old problem. Maybe they had forgotten who they were and Who they belonged to as well.
Satan wants to destroy my identity but I’m not going to let him.
Because I know the truth. I know Who I belong to.
As I intentionally spend more time with the Lord, reading His Word, praying to Him, and listening to His still small voice, I am reminded once again of who I am.
I am the daughter of a KING
I am chosen
I am royalty
All my days are written
I shall not be moved
Because I am HIS
Maybe you need this encouragement today too. Don’t allow Satan to steal your identity in this time of uncertainty. I am reminding you today that you are the daughter of the King and He chose you.